The (IN)Significance of Fitting In
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Unmasking the True Self
As human beings, our innate desire to belong and fit in with our social circles is undeniable. From childhood to adulthood, we yearn to be accepted, to be part of the tribe, and to feel like we belong. It's a natural inclination, deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history. However, what happens when the pursuit of fitting in becomes a relentless effort to hide our true selves behind masks of conformity?
The Childhood Struggle
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Let's rewind to our early years. Childhood, a time of innocence and wonder, can also be a period of profound vulnerability. It's when we first encounter the concept of "fitting in" and face the disheartening reality that we might not always align with our peers. For many (myself included), this realization can be a bewildering and isolating experience.
Study Spotlight: A landmark study published in the Journal of Child Development found that children as young as three years old start to exhibit behaviors related to fitting in with their peer group. This social sensitivity can influence their behavior throughout their school years.
As children, we often lack the emotional intelligence to fully comprehend these feelings of non-belonging. We can't articulate why we don't "fit in" or why our interests and preferences deviate from the norm. This lack of understanding frequently prompts us to develop masking strategies, hoping that by mimicking the behavior of our peers, we'll finally be embraced. But some of us are better at these masking strategies than others, and those of us who fall short are left out, set aside, rejected. So we mask even more, or eventually shut down our outward emotions in general, even if it doesn’t win us the affections we seek.
The Unseen Cost of Emotional Masking
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As we grow older, the masks we wear evolve. They become more intricate, and we become skilled at concealing our secret selves. We've all met the person who seems to effortlessly blend in at social gatherings, laugh at the right jokes, and chime in with the group's opinions. But what is the cost of this artful mimicry?
Research Reveals: Studies in psychology highlight that emotional masking can lead to heightened stress, anxiety, and even depression. The effort required to suppress one's true self takes a toll on mental well-being.
Behind the façade of fitting in, we often bury our true emotions and beliefs. We relegate our genuine interests to the shadows, fearing they won't align with the accepted norms. Over time, the disconnect between our authentic selves and our outward personas can create a sense of emptiness and disconnection. We become strangers to ourselves.
Seeing through The Illusion
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It's essential to recognize that people are remarkably perceptive. While we may excel at donning masks, those around us are often astute enough to discern the artifice. They sense when our smiles are forced and our laughter is insincere. Paradoxically, our desperate pursuit of fitting in can make us stand out—not for our authenticity but for our inauthenticity.
Psychological Insights: Research conducted by psychologists at Stanford University highlights the human ability to detect authenticity. When we meet someone who is genuine and true to themselves, we're naturally drawn to them.
So, why do we persist in this relentless effort to fit in, even when it becomes evident that our masks are flimsy disguises? Perhaps it's the fear of rejection or the allure of social acceptance. Perhaps it’s for a job that we can’t afford to lose. Whatever the driving force, it's essential to recognize that true connection and belonging can only occur when we shed the layers of pretense and allow our authentic selves to shine.
Embracing Authenticity
(If we learned nothing else during the pandemic lockdowns…) It's time to let go of the exhausting charade of fitting in for fitting in's sake. Instead, let's embrace the beauty of authenticity—the quirks, idiosyncrasies, and unique qualities that make us who we are. Authenticity doesn't require perfection; it demands the courage to be imperfectly, unapologetically, (even weirdly) you.
Encouragement to Remember: In the words of Brené Brown,
"Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are."
Imagine a world where we celebrate each other's individuality, where fitting in isn't a necessity but a choice. It's a world where we're free to express our true emotions, share our genuine passions, and form connections based on authenticity rather than conformity.
The pursuit of authenticity isn't a rejection of others; it's an invitation to connect on a deeper level. It's a journey that begins with self-acceptance and extends to accepting others for who they genuinely are.
Make Profound Connections
In a society that often prioritizes conformity, the act of unmasking and embracing authenticity becomes a revolutionary act of self-love. It's a conscious decision to value our uniqueness, honor our emotions, and let go of the exhausting illusion of fitting in.
As we navigate the complex terrain of human connections, let's remember that true belonging isn't about blending into the crowd; it's about standing out as ourselves. It's about finding our tribe, not by mimicking others, but by being unapologetically, beautifully, authentically (don’t forget weirdly) us.
In the pursuit of fitting in, we often forget that the most profound connections are forged when we dare to stand out.
Some musical inspiration, to encourage you to be your strange self today…
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Savannah Newton is a mother, artist at Wished Upon Studio, and project manager/solutions tech with The Collab Team.
She is a proud Dis-nerd and Harry Potter lover, and loves to over-analyze plot points and metaphors within children’s movies and content.
